


I Can't Believe It's Catfish!

by Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Catfish - Freeform, Catfished, Catfishing, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha keeps tony in line by hitting him, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Is A Dick, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony kind of deserves it though, and that is like said in nick fury's voice, i can't believe they don't have warning for 'messaging people like a twelve year old otaku', lots of fucking inappropriate language, steve just got motherfucking catfished, that should be a crime and a sin and a warning in itself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:31:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7772080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll/pseuds/Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>""hey, i just checked your profile (Tony: "That fucking fast, who the fuck is this guy?") and i would really like to chat more! ^-^ (Tony: "What the actual fuck?") so if you just wanna hit me up, i'd love to talk, thx""</p><p>"Oh my god." Tony said, blinking as he finished reading the message. Natasha and Steve were feeling the same way. "Okay, so this guy writes like a twelve-year old female otaku, or a pedophile. So, he's either one of the two."</p><p>"Oh my god." Steve said, horror and exasperation in his voice as he put his head in his hands again. "My first time using online dating and I'm getting twelve year olds."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Believe It's Catfish!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rainbowflavouredfabulous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowflavouredfabulous/gifts).



> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVENGERS, ANY MARVEL CHARACTERS OR SCENES OR INFO MENTIONED, AND I DO NOT OWN PLENTY OF FISH OR THE DATING PROFILE SETUP I AM USING. I ONLY OWN THE CRINGE.
> 
> A/N: I do not know what I am doing with my life or why I wrote this, but whatever, I did cringe and laugh while writing this.
> 
> Also, yes, Alex, this is for you, happy birthday, I am so sorry this is terrible and cringey but I still peed myself laughing at some points so I hope you enjoy it and love it, thank you please forgive me I'm sorry I love you.
> 
> SUPER IMPORTANT PLZ READ: I didn't realize until trying to update this story that I had a comment from ChevyImpala1967 on a /story that wasn't supposed to be published/ and apparently 134 people read my non-existent draft garbage story before it was done and I'd just like to apologize for that, it was an accident. Also someone bookmarked it, thank you for supporting my work though it was 100% an accident, thank you. Anyway onto the story. 
> 
> Dear ChevyImpala1967, 
> 
> This is why the story didn't show up.
> 
> Dear EmoDino,
> 
> You are awesome, thank you.
> 
> Dear Alex,
> 
> The story wasn't supposed to be up, that's why that shit wasn't working, Honestly, you wouldn't have seen anything the story was literally just nothing, so....
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll
> 
> FUN DRINKING GAME: Drink every time Natasha hits Tony or drink every time I bring up 'second chance at love' or drink every time Tony says something inappropriate or drink every time I bring up Bucky's past or drink every time you see the word 'catfish' in some way, shape or form.

Steve knew, deep, deep down in his soul, that anytime Tony Stark started a sentence with, 'you know, you should try this...' or 'you should check this thing out,' Steve should immediately leave the room, pack his bags and head to Mexico to become a candle seller.

He shouldn't have agreed to Tony's idea of Steve trying 'online dating.' Steve knew he hadn't been on a date in a few years, and after a panic-attack shock over discovering his sexuality and figuring out it was 'okay to be bisexual, everyone is bisexual these days!' pep-talk from Tony (which didn't help Steve and only made Natasha smack Tony upside the head for being so insensitive, while Tony only grumbled a 'for fuck's sake, I _am_ bisexual' under his breath and taking another swill of his drink).

From that point on, Steve really didn't go out or talk to people or even pursue a relationship. He was content minding his own business and being single, mostly staying at Tony's home in the Stark Industries Tower with Natasha. He was happier that way, especially since he recently got out of a bad breakup with his longtime girlfriend Peggy Carter, and proceeded to eat his weight in ice cream in his own house while crying his eyes out that day, watching 'The Notebook,' (yes, cliche) on repeat. He would have done that forever, if it wasn't for Tony and Natasha bursting into his home and yanking him off the couch, telling him 'it's not good for him to continue to sit on his ass and cry about Peggy all day.'

So Tony, like always, complained about Steve's 'moping,' even though none of the sort was happening, and then complained loudly to Natasha that Steve had been 'single for too long and needs to get out there!' even though it has only been a _week_ since Steve and Peggy's breakup.

So Natasha, being the sly girl that she was and enjoying the pain of others suffering, happily went along with Tony's suggestion of getting Steve a date, and Tony's genius idea was to get Steve on a dating website.

Steve flat-out refused, and stated that even though he appreciated his friend's efforts, he wasn't going to be subdued into a dating website when he could easily _go out and find someone,_ but it was too late. Tony and Natasha had already opened up the 'Plenty of Fish' homepage on Tony's laptop and shoved the computer at Steve, telling him they were going to help him set up a dating profile to, in Tony's words, 'get some hot ass.'

\----

 **Name** : Steven Grant Rogers (Tony: "Oh my god Steve you don't have to put your full name on there, it's not a legal document! You're such a grandpa." Most of the time, it was Tony who was making the inappropriate comments about _everything_ as Steve filled out his profile.)

 **Username and PoF Title:** starspangledamerica: looking for healthy, happy committed relationship (Tony: "What do you plan on doing, marrying them???)

 **Age:** 32 (Tony: "Oh come on, no one is going to believe you're  _that_ old. Jesus, put twenty-five or something."

Steve: "But I _am_ thirty-two."

Tony: "Nobody said you had to be honest.")

 **City:** New York City, New York (Tony: *giggles*

Steve: "What?"

Tony: "I just laugh every time when I hear New York City and New York, cause they were _so_ unoriginal they had to name the state and its capital the same thing."

Steve: *sigh*)

 **Sign:** Cancer (Natasha: "Tony, please, for the love of God I'm begging you don't make a cancer joke."

Tony: "Okay, I'm not _that_ terrible of a person, Jesus.")

 **Height:** 6'2" (Tony: "Wow." *whistle* "You _are_ tall. I never noticed that."

Natasha: "That's because you, Tony Stark, are short."

Tony: "Shut the fuck up Romanoff.")

 **Weight:** 240 lb (Tony: "That's a fucking lie and you know it. With a build like yours there is no _way_ you don't weigh more.")

 **Smoker?** No. (Tony: "Pussy.")

 **Ethnicity:** Irish, Caucasian (Tony: "You're white. Specifically, Irish white."

Steve: "Yeah, I just put Caucasian because that's what I am.

Tony: "Um, no, Caucus is a real place and you are not Caucasian. Just fucking put Irish. Everyone will know what race you are when they see your pictures."

Steve: "Fine.")

 **Ethnicity:** Irish, ~~Caucasian~~

 **Body Type:** Athletic, buff (Tony: "More like 'built like a fucking tree.'"

Natasha: "Shut up Tony."

Tony: "Whatever Romanoff.")

 **Religion:** Irish Catholic (Tony: "Is that even a thing????")

 **Intent:** Long-term dating (Tony: "Again, are you going to _marry_ them???")

 **Gender Preference:** Boys and girls (Tony: "Atta boy.")

 **Personality:** (Tony: "Boring, patriotic, a virgin."

Steve: "That's not true, I was in the military."

Tony: "What, the boring part or the virgin part?"

Steve: "I was in the military, I'm pretty sure I wasn't a virgin."

Tony: "Oh, so _that's_ how you got your sexual awakening! You went the old fashioned way, unlike Tom Cruise in Top-Homosexual Undertones-Gun." *Tony gets elbowed by Natasha* "Ow!!")

 **Education:** Bachelor's Degree in Fine Arts at Julliard University in New York (Tony: "Wait, you went to _Julliard???_ "

Steve: "Yeah?"

Tony: "Holy shit, that school has like a 6.7% acceptance rate! How the hell did you get in?"

Steve: "I don't know... I'm just really good at art????")

 **Profession:** (Tony: "What _do_ you do???"

Steve: *indignantly* " _I make art_."

Tony: "But is it really your profession...?"

Natasha: "Keep talking Weapons X."

Tony: "That was a low blow and I hate you because that was good, up top."

Natasha: *high fives a reluctant Tony, smirking*)

 **Interests:** (Tony: "Me."

Steve: "I have an interest in hitting you if you don't _shut up._ "

Tony: "Ooh, old Captain America is pulling out the big guns!"

Natasha: *smacks Tony*

Tony: "Ow!")

 **About Me:** (Tony: "You've pretty much said everything there needs to be said."

Natasha: "I'd hate to agree with Tony-

Tony: *offended* "Hey!"

Natasha: "-but he's right. I don't know what else you would wanna put, unless you wanna talk more about your interests."

Tony: "We all know what Cap's interests are. Long walks on the beach, sunsets and America."

Natasha: "That's...pretty true."

Steve: *indignantly* "Hey!")

 **Profile Picture:** (Tony: "Ooh, how about that one time Steve accidentally opened the front facing camera and took a picture of himself, and he's making that weird derp face."

Natasha: "Remember when we went to the beach and we put coconut halves on his chest and he got circle tan lines from them and we took a picture of it?"

Steve: "I hate you all.")

\----

After Steve had successfully made his profile, with a complete barrage of Tony's unnecessary and unhelpful comments, Tony rubbed his hands together.

"There ya go sport. You're ready to go into the world of ~ _online dating_.~" Steve only sighed.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Steve," Natasha said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "We're really only here to help." After Natasha gave a side glance to Tony, she reconsidered. "Okay, maybe _I'm_ only here to help."

"But how will this get me fellas, or dames?" Steve asked, looking at Natasha and then back at the computer again with a hopeless gaze. There was really _no way_ this was going to work. Steve was utterly hopeless. He sighed again and placed his head in his hands.

"Jesus Steve, stop talking like you're from the 1940s. Stop with the 'dames' and 'fellas' shit." Tony said, and Steve rolled his eyes.

"At least I'm somewhat original." Steve snarked, looking back to the computer. After Steve clicked around the site, a gentle 'ding!' was heard from the computer, and the little message icon at the top right-hand corner had a little '1' on it.

Steve's eyes widened in surprise. "Guys, I got a message!"

"What?" Natasha and Tony both said, complete surprise written on their faces. They rushed to surround Steve on both sides and looked at the computer.

"Click the icon, click it, click it!" Tony rushed, pointing at the icon and Steve scowled.

"Geez, I'm getting there." Just then, the Inbox opened to show one new message from a man named 'Justin Hammer.'

Tony's eyebrows furrowed, but he quickly masked his confusion, hoping neither Natasha or Steve saw his reaction.

"Who's Justin Hammer?" Steve asked, and he clicked on the message. It read:

 _""hey, i just checked your profile_ (Tony: "That fucking fast, who the fuck is this guy?") _and i would really like to chat more! >w<_ (Tony: "What the actual fuck?") _so if you just wanna hit me up, i'd love to talk_

_thx""_

"Oh my god." Tony said, blinking as he finished reading the message. Natasha and Steve were feeling the same way. "Okay, so this guy writes like a twelve-year old female otaku, or a pedophile. So, he's either one of the two."

"Oh my god." Steve said, horror and exasperation in his voice as he put his head in his hands again. "My first time using online dating and I'm getting _twelve year olds_."

"Well, Justin may just be a really, really weird and eccentric man. Let's check out his profile." Tony said, and they went to see Justin's profile.

So far, the man was looking fine. Steve commented that Justin wasn't very bad-looking, the glasses on his face suited him nicely, and he was tidily dressed in a blue suit in his profile picture. The information about him on his profile seemed pretty basic, and nothing seemed to pop out that was unusual. There weren't many other pictures of him in his Gallery, however, Steve felt a little better. Maybe Justin was a little eccentric.

"I think I might continue talking to him." Steve said, looking up at Tony and smiling. Steve went back to his Inbox and before he could type his reply, Tony slammed his hand down on Steve's hands.

"Woah, woah, _woah_ there slugger. You can't just talk to the man. You don't know if he's a catfish."

"A catfish?"

"You know, people who pretend to be someone else on the Internet, usually for dating profiles and whatnot." Natasha explained, and Steve frowned in worry.

"Well, I don't want to be catfished!" Steve said, and Tony nodded.

"Yeah, no one does. But here's a _foolproof_ way to know if someone is legit or not. Here, type this." Tony said, and reaching over Steve he wrote a reply to Justin and showed Natasha and Steve to approve of:

 _""of course! lol._ (Steve: "Was that 'lol' really necessary?"

Tony: "Of course it was! It makes the reply sound less serious so you don't look like you're writing a business letter, plus he won't feel personally offended by anything you say."

Steve: "I think by starting a reply with no capital is already showing me that I'm not serious at all.") _that's no problem, i would love to chat. and because i think you're soo handsome, can you send me another pic of yourself touching a finger to your nose?? i think it'll be real cute.""_

"There, now you'll know for _sure_ if they're a catfish or not!" Tony said, feeling very proud of himself, while Steve sighed, praying to God that this worked.

\----

Bucky nervously bit his thumbnail as he scoured Plenty of Fish, waiting for a reply from 'Steven Grant Rogers.' He wasn't sure what to expect and he was nervous as all hell.

Bucky knew it was wrong, lying to someone on the Internet about who he really was, but it wasn't like he had a choice There was no way in Hell he was going to be someone's 'first pick.'

So after Sam told him about 'Plenty of Fish' to help Bucky get back on his feet, he was hesitant. Bucky didn't really trust technology, and he wasn't sure how a dating site was going to help him.

But Sam was adamant, and Bucky ended up reluctantly creating an account. However, after taking one good look at the people who were all on this site, mainly the one's around his age range, he realized that he was at a complete loss and no way in _Hell_ was anyone going to actually want to date him the minute they saw him.

So Bucky, at a last ditch attempt to find love, decided to look up guys on the Internet and stole pictures from this guy named 'Justin Hammer.'

Bucky didn't know who Justin Hammer was, and didn't bother to look him up. Bucky just thought Justin was another normal guy, and Bucky had already made a partially real, partially fake dating profile for 'Justin Hammer' and had messaged 'Steven Grant Rogers' when Sam came along, coffee mug in one hand, and tried to sneak a peek at what Bucky was doing.

"Whatcha got there?" Sam asked, looking over Bucky's shoulder to look at his computer and scaring the ex-soldier. Bucky tried to quickly close the computer but Sam saw enough to manage to look Bucky in the eyes with a questioning look.

Bucky stared at Sam with a guilty expression, before a 'ding!' was heard from the laptop.

"Oh, you already got a message? Wonder who it's from." Sam said, bringing the mug to his lips and sipping, while Bucky shot daggers in his direction.

"It's from this guy I met, 'Steven Grant Rogers.'" Bucky said, opening the laptop. There was no point in hiding it now, Sam had already saw everything.

"Oh, did you message him or did he message you? Because if you went first, I hope you took all my advice." Sam said, trying not to snicker behind the mug. Bucky nodded, opening the Inbox icon and reading the message.

Bucky's eyes slowly widened as he read the message, and when he was done, he looked at Sam. "I am so fucked." Bucky said, placing his face in his hands, the cool metal of his left arm soothing him just slightly.

"Wait, why?" Sam asked, and he looked over Bucky's shoulder to read the message. When Sam was done, he tried his hardest not to laugh, but eventually, it took over. Bucky peeked at Sam between his fingers and if looks could kill, Sam would have been more than six-feet under ground.

Sam eventually stopped laughing, Bucky still glaring at him, and Sam slapped a hand on Bucky's metal shoulder, grinning.

"You're fucked dude." Sam said, and Bucky resisted the urge to strangle the man.

"Please, you need to help me! Steve won't continue talking to me if he knows I'm a catfish!" Bucky said. He really shouldn't have done this online dating thing, but here he was, and Steve was absolutely fucking gorgeous, looking at his pictures. Bucky couldn't pass that up, but deep down he felt incredibly guilty for lying to him.

Sam paused, raised a brow, and thought about it for a moment. "Alright, I'll help you. Give me a second."

And with that, Sam got up and was gone, leaving Bucky sitting there to contemplate everything and whether this was really worth it.

Sam did, in all honesty, wish the best for Bucky. Bucky wasn't just the same since he got back from the war with shit tons of fun flashbacks and memories anyone would wish to forget. Bucky really had nowhere to go, and Sam met the man through a therapy session Bucky had arranged for himself. Sam ended up agreeing to let the man stay at his place (with heavy protest from Bucky), and honestly, he was never happier he did. Bucky was a great friend and an even better person, once you got to know him and get him out of his shell. Plus, it was easier for Sam to help him when Bucky was there, and Bucky did need someone, especially when there was troubles with his nightmares. Even though Sam firmly believed in not lying and always being yourself, seeing Bucky so hung up on this one real interaction he's had and the chance for Bucky to maybe meet someone and form a relationship (maybe not on the best terms at first, but that can be worked out), Sam couldn't find it in his heart to let this broken man lose another chance at life again.

Sam sighed as he played with his phone. If this would help Bucky get better, then so be it.

A few minutes later, Sam was back, completely determined to help Bucky (but that wouldn't mean he wouldn't mess with him just a _teensy_ bit), and showed Bucky the picture Sam had got of _Justin Hammer_ placing a finger on his nose, and Bucky only looked up at Sam with wide eyes.

"How the hell did ya get that?" Bucky asked, curiosity taking over his anxiety. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Don't ask, here, let's just transfer it and send it to _Steve_." Sam mocked, smiling at the other man who simply rolled his eyes. Eventually, they had a new message open to reply to Steve, and they sat together on the small sofa, contemplating how they would reply.

"Well, here's the picture of Justin. I say we just tell him something like, 'it's no problem, here you go' and there, end it like that. Also, ask him for a picture of him wearing a fake bushy mustache and holding a stopwatch." Sam said, and Bucky frowned.

"Why?"

"He might be a catfish." Sam answered.

" _I'm_  the catfish."

"But this might be an instant of _double_ -catfishing. Where you both are catfishing each other." Sam explained, then continued. "Plus, it's difficult to make this kind of photo. Putting a finger on the nose is child's play and could be easily done and photoshopped, honestly. No offense to whoever this 'Steve' guy is, but he's a _little_ bit of an amateur on online dating."

"Well, I guess." Bucky said, and started typing out his message:

 _""hey, here's the picture, i hope it's no problem!! ^-^_ (Sam: "Perfect.") _so i just wanted to know, not to be mean!!~ *nyah!!~* *glomps!!* maybe you could send a picture of urself wearing like a fake mustache and holding a stopwatch, i think it would be so funny!!!~ i'd love it. ^_^""_

"Perfect." Sam whispered again, smiling proudly, with slight tears in his eyes. Bucky looked at Sam and frowned.

"Are these faces and things necessary?" Bucky asked, pointing to the "^-^" and "*glomps*" that littered the message. Sam nodded, face serious.

"Yes, that is how _everyone_ on the internet talks nowadays. It is utterly fucking _important_ that we have these *glomps!!!* everywhere." Sam said, and Bucky shrugged, nodding as well. If that's how everyone did it, Bucky guessed he might as well go along with it.

"Alright, all we have to do is wait for a reply." Sam said, and Bucky hung his head. He was _so_ screwed.

\----

"I got a message from Justin!" Steve cried out excitedly, scaring awake both Natasha and Tony; Tony who had a newspaper over his face and sprawled on the couch while Natasha simply slumped in a chair, eyes closed.

Tony grumbled, falling off of the couch into a messy Tony heap on the ground while Natasha gracefully got off the chair and stretched, and they headed over to where Steve was and checked out the situation.

They read the message, and Tony gasped in mock shock.

"They want a picture of you? How could they think you're a catfish?" Tony asked, and Natasha gently hit him in the head again.

"They might not know if Steve is real or not. It happens more than one thinks."

"Well, you _are_ right, Steve is almost not believable, I mean, _look_ at these tanks." Tony said, poking and squeezing Steve's bicep. "Steve is pretty much like a wet dream come true. Like my wet dream, but not exactly you. Looking like you but less snappish and sassy and with less American pride and freedom." Steve simply ignored Tony. (Like we all should.)

"Should I take the picture?" Steve asked, and Tony scoffed. He poked at the screen with his finger several times where the picture attachment of Justin was.

"We have to see what Justin looks like first and if he's real. Click it, click it, I wanna see!" Tony whined, earning a smack on the head from Natasha, and Steve opened the file and found a picture of Justin putting his finger to his nose, just like Steve had asked.

"So Justin is real!" Steve said, voice expressing his happiness. He was almost worried that maybe Justin wouldn't reply and that he couldn't send a picture, and secretly, Steve _really_ wanted Justin to be real, and would have been broken-hearted if he wasn't. Plus, if Justin didn't take the picture, Steve would know immediately that that was a red flag.

Tony, however, only furrowed his eyebrows as he squinted at the picture, unable to believe it. "There's no way..." He whispered, low enough for not even _Natasha_ to hear.

Quickly, he erased his doubt and smiled at Steve, patting him on the shoulder. "There ya go buddy," Tony said. "You got yourself a decent looking guy who might not molest you, now that we know he's not a catfish." Natasha gave Tony a look, and Tony shrugged.

"Well, I guess I better take the picture to prove myself." Steve said, getting up off the chair he was sitting in and grabbing his phone.

It took about one hundred pictures later to have a finally decent one, mainly because Tony kept on fucking with Steve's StarkPhone, so it kept on glitching and doing some weird shit. They uploaded the picture and sent it; Steve insisting on adding a stupidly cute and mushy message with it, even though it was totally gross and unnecessary and "Steve, you don't even _know_ the guy!"

But that didn't matter to Steve, because all he could feel was the warmth and fuzziness in his stomach as he thought about the second chance he was given at love.

\----

"SAM, STEVE IS REAL!" Bucky cried, feeling his heart pounding in his chest in anticipation and excitement. There was a yelp from the kitchen and a crashing sound.

"Fucking shit Barnes! Don't scare a man half to death, okay? I still have a shit ton of therapy sessions I need to do!" Sam shouted from the kitchen, and he grabbed the nearby broom and pan to scoop up the broken mug on the ground. "Also you owe me a mug!"

"I'll get you it later I promise I love you and thank you!" Bucky said, his hands hovering over the keyboard, debating whether to reply now, or to wait later or to just ask the man to marry him now.

Okay, so maybe Bucky was a _little_ happy someone as handsome as Steve (who was now confirmed not to be a catfish either, however Bucky still guiltily was), and he couldn't believe that a man like Steve wanted to continue chatting with him!

Well, in reality, not with Bucky. Steve would _never_ willingly want to chat with Bucky if he knew the truth or knew who Bucky was and what he looked like. No way would Steve want a depressed, PTSD-ridden man back from the war who lost an arm and now has a shiny metal souvenir as a reminder. No way would Steve want to date someone who woke up every night with night terrors and sometimes randomly went into flashbacks in the day for the most random shit (literally, last night he almost lost his cool over a pineapple, and luckily Sam was there to help him come back from it). Perfect, blond Steve Rogers who graduated from fucking Julliard (Bucky barely had his high school degree) who wanted to talk to Bucky, not the _real_ Bucky, the Bucky who was pretending to be Justin Hammer. Still, Bucky somehow managed to get an _amazing_ guy, who has been nothing but _nice_ to him, to talk to Bucky.

Sam jogged over to Bucky after he cleaned up his mess, and looked over Bucky's shoulder again to see the screen. He could feel Bucky shake ever so slightly, the man's hands wringing in his lap.

"So, what's up?" Sam asked after a minute.

"I got the picture of Steve, he's real." Bucky said, his voice quiet but in slight awe. Sam smirked.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Sam asked, and this was the million dollar question. This was where the ball dropped. This was where Bucky was to admit his ultimate intentions and where this budding relationship between Steve and him would go.

"Well, I'm gonna keep on talking to the fella." Bucky said firmly, smiling up at Sam.

"God, you and your 1930s slang! Enough!" Sam said, a smile on his face as well.

"It just bothers you, doesn't it?" Bucky drawled, raising an eyebrow and Sam placed a hand on his heart in mock pain.

"You do this on purpose, don't you?" Sam asked, fake annoyance lacing his voice, and Bucky simply laughed.

\----

For the next few weeks, Steve and Bucky continued to send messages to each other as often as possible. Steve would often wait by the laptop to see if 'Justin' sent a reply, and Bucky would do the same on the other side.

Natasha and Tony were consistently pestered by Steve to help him make some decisions and help him reply to 'Justin,' and even though the two constantly complained, they were always happy to help Steve in his endeavor. They were, in fact, partners-in-crime, and Natasha and Tony were ready to defend their patriotic-fluff-Labrador-puppy Steve at any given moment.

Steve: "" _i'm really excited to maybe meet you someday_ ""

Justin: "" _i wouldn't mind meeting soon either! (/^-^\\)_ ""

Steve: "" _would you... maybe like to meet soon? like in the next week?_ ""

Justin is typing...

Steve leaned back in his chair nervously, waiting for 'Justin's' response.

Justin: "" _of course!!! *nyah~~* i would love to! does maybe this friday work???_ ""

Steve: "" _definitely! where would you like to meet? i mean, since we're both in new york???_ ""

Justin: "" _how about my place? is that okay?_ ""

Steve: "" _yeah of course!!! where you @?_ ""

Justin: "" _here, i'll send you the address!!! i can't wait to see you!!! ^3^_ ""

Steve felt himself grin unconsciously, feeling the warm butterflies in his stomach again. He got another 'ding!' and Justin had sent him the address. When Steve finally figured out where it was, he realized it was close to a pizza place he knew. So it wouldn't be too hard to find Justin's place. He felt his body thrum with excitement, and got up to find Natasha and Tony.

"You guys!" Steve called, waving to them as he found them hanging around in the kitchen; Tony drinking something out of a mug, still in his suit since he was just in a meeting, and Natasha was reading the paper on one of the kitchen stools.

"Yeah, what's up Loverboy? How's it going with Justin?" Tony asked, taking another sip of his drink. Steve's smile only grew wider (if possible).

"I just agreed to meet with Justin this Friday!" Steve said, hoping that there would be an array of cheer, however, Tony spat out his drink (apparently coffee, though Steve knew it could have been coffee _and_ whiskey; meetings are hell), and Natasha froze.

"Wait, what?" Tony asked, his face incredulous. Natasha put the paper down on the table. "You agreed to meet with him?"

"Yeah, what's the matter?"

"Where did you agree to meet? Was it at least a _public_ place?" Tony asked, and Steve felt his stomach sink heavily, and the shy look on his face said it all to Tony and Natasha.

"We actually agreed to meet at his place." Steve answered, fiddling with his thumbs and while he heard a sigh from Natasha, there was a slam on the table from Tony, making Steve look up in surprise.

"Well Steve, you fucked up. Or as some like to say, you dun goofed. However, it is not too late to fix this. You can still meet your mystery man Justin in person this Friday, however, you have some serious _shit_ you gotta do before then.

Let's get down to business, and implement my foolproof 'Tony's Foolproof Plan On What To Do When You Agree to Meet Your OkCupid Date At Their Place,' or in this case, 'Plenty of Fish.' Let's go." And Tony grabbed Steve's arm and pulled Steve over to the elevator, with Natasha following along, where they would go to Tony's lab to prepare for Steve's date.

\----

Friday came quicker than it should have, and Steve already set up a time with Justin. Tony suggested that Steve meet Justin in the afternoon, where there was more 'human activity,' just in case Justin tried to kidnap Steve, and Steve was all dressed and ready to go: a white t-shirt with a blue jacket over top and dark skinny jeans. Tony and Natasha stood in front of Steve at the exit of Tony's section of the Tower, waiting patiently to send Steve off.

"Okay Steve, do you remember what we went over?" Tony asked, and Steve sighed, holding up both hands that held a handful of pepper sprays.

"Tony, I don't need _that_ much pepper spray." Steve said, and Tony gasped, mock offended.

"Um, yes you do?" Tony said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Tony, I hope you haven't forgotten that I'm six foot two, I'm pretty strong, and I was in the military."

"Oh, we all know you were in the military, you were sucking dick there!" Tony said, and that comment earned a smack from Natasha and a gasp from Steve.

"Tony!" Steve said and Tony's face morphed into one of shame.

"Okay," Tony said, running one of his hands through his hair. "Steve, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm just worried." Steve was just about to make a comment before Tony stopped him. "I don't want to loose another friend or watch you get hurt. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Even though that comment was completely unnecessary, _Stark_ , Tony is still right. We just want to make sure you're okay." Natasha said, and even though Steve understood his friends worries, he still had one question.

"By giving me thirty pepper sprays?"

"Hey, you never know when shit's gonna go down. I'm an equal opportunist. I support the right for everyone to defend themselves when they go out on creepy and unknown Tinder dates, _especially_ when they go out on creepy and unknown Tinder dates." Tony said, making his point as Steve shook his head fondly.

"Alright fine, but where do I put these?" Steve said, looking around for something to put them in, and Natasha and Tony rushed to help the man.

When they finally dictated that Steve was appropriate, in both appearance and safety, they made sure Steve knew of the button on the side of the StarkPhone that if held for five seconds, it would contact Natasha and Tony and they would go over to his location as quickly as possible, if Steve was ever in an emergency.

They finally let him go out the door and told him to 'stay safe!' and 'to not let him tap it on the first date!' from Tony.

"Don't listen to Tony, Steve, have fun! If you need help, you know what to do!" Natasha said, and her and Tony waved goodbye to Steve like parents sending their kid off to their first day of school.

After Steve was a good distance away, they closed the door, and Tony looked to Natasha.

"You wanna play Twister or something?" Tony asked, and Natasha contemplated the thought.

"Yeah, sure." The redhead agreed, and they walked over to the living room on a mission to find the board game.

\----

As Steve headed over to Justin's place, map in hand, he felt excitement bubble up at the thought of meeting Justin, and looked up at the sun. It wasn't a very bright day, mainly due to the clouds in the sky, however, it was blue where Steve could see and it gave this gentle setting as Steve walked down the street.

He saw the pizza place he knew Justin lived by, and knew he was close. He continued his journey, and eventually found a small, but simple house with stairs leading to the front door.

Steve pocketed the map, and at the same time felt the pepper spray that weighed down in his pockets. He shook his head at his friends, and went to knock on the door.

There was noise, and a rustling in the house, with a strong, heavy voice calling 'coming!' in a Brooklyn accent. Steve felt his insides squish; he himself had a Brooklyn accent. Even though he was living mostly in Manhattan, he still felt the warmth at the sound of a genuine, classic Brooklyn accent.

Steve stood outside for a while, until the doorknob turned slowly and the door, ever so carefully, opened. When the door opened fully, on the other side was a man with shoulder length, messy dark hair which slightly covered his face, dark stubble and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a faded red sweater with long sleeves and dark jeans.

Steve was taken aback for a second, and just stared at the man's face, until Steve coughed, mainly to bring _himself_  back to reality, but still startling the other man.

"Um, hello? I'm here to see Justin. Are you his roommate?" Steve asked politely. Justin didn't ever speak about having a roommate, but Steve could understand why you wouldn't want to confess all the information of your life. Plus, Justin's roommate _was_ kind of handsome.

The man didn't say anything, and just continued to observe Steve, which started to unnerve the blond man. Eventually, the dark haired man spoke.

"Um, come in." He said, and Steve slowly followed in, looking around the house while he carefully went in. Steve could understand now why Tony told him to bring so many pepper sprays.

"So, um, just, sit down." The dark haired man said, motioning to the black leather couches that sat in a lowered area of the house. The man went over to the kitchen and Steve slowly sat down, easing himself into the couch.

"So, where's Justin? Is he at work or something?" Steve asked, and the dark haired man seemed to look sadder, and sighed.

"I have something to tell you." The man said, and that was the first full, long sentence that Steve heard the man say, and the dark haired male clasped his hands together. Steve only _now_ noticed the left side of his arm, which was exposed by the rolled up sleeve, was completely metal, with shifting plates. Steve racked his memory for something, Justin did say that he had a terrible injury occur...

"I've been meaning to tell you." The dark haired male spoke again, and Steve leaned back into the couch more, listening intently. "I'm.... I don't know how to say this." The man sighed again.

"I'm Justin. I'm Justin Hammer, the man you've been talking with for weeks. I'm him." The dark haired man said, eyes locked onto Steve's and his face only conveyed deep, deep sadness and guilt. The man hung his head again, letting his hair hang to cover his face, and Steve's brows furrowed, trying to contemplate the information.

"Wait, so you lied?" Steve asked, getting up out of his seat; the dark haired man flinching a bit. "You catfished me!? I thought you were honest! Why would you lie to me?"

"I--" Bucky started, but stopped. He couldn't justify why he did it.

"Did you lie to me about everything _else_ in the chat?"

"No, I _promise_. I didn't lie about what I've said. I was honest."

"How do I know you're not lying now?"

"Well, I didn't lie to you about being in the military and the injury." The dark haired male said quietly, rubbing said injury with his other hand. Steve looked down at the metal arm, and back up at the man's face.

"I suppose you didn't. But what did you get out of lying to me?" The other man was about to answer before Steve continued. "I wouldn't have minded it being you anyway!"

"Wait, _what?_ " The dark haired male said, completely confused.

"I came here looking for Justin, someone who looked like him, and here I am with you and I don't know if I'm mad or happy that you _aren't_ him." Steve said, tension in his voice and posture.

"Why?" 

"Because you're stunning! You're more handsome than your picture of Justin was, and I would have gladly, maybe even more so, accepted a date if it was you I saw!"

After a moment, the dark haired male spoke, eyes wide. "Really?" 

"Really." Steve affirmed quietly, and they stood in silence until another man, this time a dark-skinned one with a bagel in hand, came in and stopped when he saw the two. Steve and the dark haired male looked up; Steve staring at the bagel man with caution while the dark haired male looked slightly embarrassed.

"Wait, is this Steve?" The bagel man asked, and the dark-haired male nodded. The dark-skinned male's eyes widened. "Woah, so _this_ is Steve! He looks better in real life than the pictures."

Steve turned his head a little away in embarrassment, and he blushed ever so slightly. "Thanks, but _who_ are you?"

"I'm Sam, and I suspect you guys have already met, so this is Bucky. He's real, the 'Justin Hammer' that you met, is not." Sam explained, and Steve only stood in confusion at the whole scenario placed before him.

Before Steve could even _try_ to ask anything, the door burst open and in rushed Tony, pepper spray in hand.

"Don't you dare touch Steve!" Tony shouted, pepper spray out and ready as he pressed the trigger. However, the pepper spray only went so far and didn't hit anyone, making Tony's defense a nice, but useless one. However, after Tony saw Bucky and Sam, his arm dropped.

"Bucky?" Tony said, and Bucky in a just-as-confused voice asked, "Tony?"

"Hey Tony." Sam said simply, smirking a little. Tony, noticing his name being called, turned to look at Sam and grinned. 

"Hey Sam."

\----

Steve had only _one_ thing to say to all that. "Wait, _what_ the actual fuck is going on?"

\----

"I knew it was a catfish the whole time." Tony said, taking a swill of whiskey from the bottle he was holding as he leaned over the counter in the kitchen. Natasha sat not too far away from Tony, on the same stool she was in before, pretending to read the newspaper. Sam stood next to the couch, where Bucky was curled up in Steve's lap; Steve holding him as if he was the most precious thing he's ever seen.

"Wait, how the hell did you know it was a catfish?" Steve asked.

"Oh come on, Justin Hammer is my arch nemesis. He's a major asshole, and a fucking greedy bitch. I knew it wasn't him the moment I saw the profile, but I almost didn't believe it when I saw he sent a picture back. " Tony said, raising an eyebrow at Bucky. "Care to explain?"

Bucky was about to speak but Sam beat him to it. "It was all me, actually."

"Wait, you know Justin?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, I was his therapist for a while. I saw the mess Bucky got into and couldn't let him go down in flames like that, so I contacted Justin and told him what happened. Him, being a greedy little cunt face, agreed to it, which is why I'm not sure if I should hit Justin or send him a gift basket." Sam replied, eyeing the couple from the corner of his eye.

"Wait, but my question is, how do you three-" Steve said, motioning to Bucky, Sam and Tony- "know each other at all?"

"Bucky was actually one of my first test subjects for when I started making a line of prosthetics for Stark Industries. I met Sam through Bucky, since Sam was Bucky's therapist at the time." Tony explained. "Also, I should have known it was Bucky who was catfishing you, Steve. Bucky is _literally_ the only person who thinks _Justin Hammer_ is good-looking enough to _pretend_ to be him. And Steve, I'd like to have a word with you on your choice of men."

Bucky replied. "Well, can you blame me? I didn't exactly think I was gorgeous, especially after the war and the prosthetic." 

"How is that thing _ugly?_ It is a beauty, a work of art! A wonder!"

"Yeah, because _you_ made it. I know you kept me longer than I should have at the hospital because all you wanted to do was play with my arm." Bucky protested, and Tony scoffed.

"It's beautiful, sue me."

Steve watched the debacle with an amused grin, and felt warmth in the pit of his stomach. He was glad that somehow, it ended up like this. He didn't know how it would end up having to get Natasha and Tony to bond with Steve's new partner, but Bucky and Tony were only teasingly bickering while Natasha and Sam were off having their own conversation; Natasha smiling softly whenever Sam spoke.

Steve almost didn't hear it until he did.

"I almost didn't think you were real." Bucky whispered, placing his face in Steve's neck. Steve smiled softly and looked down at the curled up heap in his lap.

"Well, I am." Steve said, and Bucky only looked up at Steve through his lashes, and Steve knew for sure he wouldn't have had it any other way.

After a moment, a thought popped into Steve's head. "Wait, Tony, if you knew that Justin wasn't real, then why did you let me go anyway?"

"I mean, the worst it could be is that it was _actually_ Justin. I mean, I don't know much of Hammer personally to know how he does things, but I didn't know how to feel about the amount of...unsettling emojis he put. I was almost tempted not to let Steve see you in person, Bucky, because of the amount of *nyahs* I had to witness." Tony said, smirking behind his glass as Bucky blushed.

"That was actually also my fault. I convinced Bucky that the only way to talk on the Internet was to talk like a little girl heavily into anime." Sam said, and Tony choked on his drink in laughter, Natasha snickered and Bucky sent Sam a death glare.

"You did that on purpose!?" Bucky growled, and Steve couldn't help but laugh.

"I didn't think you would believe me!" Sam said, laughter taking over his body.

"You could have ruined my chances!" Bucky growled, and Steve felt it starting to sound serious, so he placed a gentle hand on Bucky's back and rubbed it.

"Oh, you were catfishing the dude! What was the worst that could have happened?" Sam said, trying to keep the air from becoming hostile. Before Bucky could reply in anger and embarrassment, Steve spoke.

"Hey. It's a good thing I'm pretty much blind to everything. I didn't even really care." Steve smiled, and snuggled up to Bucky, who softened, smiled as well and hugged back. There was a quiet chorus of 'aww's' that flooded the room, and Steve snuggled closer, burying his face into Bucky's back.

...

"Oh my god, it's _so_ gay in here and it's not even because of _me_." Tony said, ruining the moment and a chorus of groans filled the room.

"Tony!"

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: i swear i'm not sponsored.
> 
> also bucky took sam's advice on how to talk to people on the internet so the *glomps* are all sam's fault (also i realized i can't put those emojis that i had in my story in here because they do a weird html thing and fucking cut the rest of the text off, fuck my life)
> 
> however, sam still doesn't understand how bucky can get a hunking male adonis with fucking ^-^ emojis
> 
> i'm stealing lines from jelloapocalypse kill me
> 
> also i don't know how to write online dating messages. all i know how to do is the white boy way. sorry.
> 
> forgive me for giving up at the end and not even caring how i write my author note now
> 
> forgive the ending of the story it is garbage and i don't like it and i wish i ended it differently
> 
> thx


End file.
